BKUZ 2.0

My Dear Fans,

Yes, I realize it has been quite some time since my last post. I just want you to make sure you never forget that you mean the world to me and I'd be nowhere without you guys.

That being said, I have an announcement to make:

BKUZ2 is coming.

A freshly revamped BKUZ is coming in the near future. Expect even more amazingness and bkuzzery than ever before, if that's at all possible.

You've been warned.

-B.

BKUZ 2 Bs are better than one...

Guilty As Charged

Ok, you caught me.

I didn't actually win an Oscar...yet.

When this does happen, however, my speech will be a lot more like this:

"Oh!....my...wowww...erg..."

Followed by a hurricane of tears...

...then an insane bout of explosive diarrhea...

...and then I'll most likely pass out.

But to my family, friends, and fans out there- know that I will try my absolute hardest to give you all the thanks you deserve, unless of course the heavy D gets the better of me.

Love you guys,

B.

Also, thanks to Bitch Rat for her contributions to the Oscar posts. Let's celebrate with a camping trip, eh?

And the Oscar goes to...

BKUZ.

(Wild applause ensues)

Oh wowww.

I always expected to grace this stage someday, but I never knew it would feel this good.

First and foremost, I need to thank (choking up)….God. Our heavenly father. Without him, none of us would be here to celebrate all of the talent on this stage.

I need to of course mention the Academy, who has now shown me that to truly feel like a winner, one must win this award.

I’m just honored to be a part of this category with the all of the slightly less talented people who didn’t win.

Oh don’t play the music! Please…

Mrs. Dreyer, my first grade teacher. Thanks for teaching me how to form a sentence.

For Linda- that one time I dropped my egg salad sandwich on the sidewalk and you brought me a new one.

And for all the ugly people out there- thank you for continually making me feel great about myself. And also, I’m sorry for your unfortunate condition.

Godspeed.

Stars: They're Just Like Us

First of all, I need to address the rumors-

YES, I was in the hospital Friday.

NO, it was not exhaustion or alcohol poisoning as you may have heard.

NO, I'm not addicted to drugs.

NO, it was not a suicide attempt.

I noticed a strange lump in my nippular region a while ago and Friday marked my third visit in the quest for a diagnosis. Finally, after weeks of mystery, it has been diagnosed as a hormone-related breast tissue growth. Things took a turn for the worst when the doctors wanted to perform a fine-needle aspiration to verify. Translation: stick a needle...in my nipple. Needless to say, I quickly re-robed and was out of there. I would rather snort coke off of my dead grandmother than let my nipple get anywhere near a needle.

YES, YOU CAUGHT ME. I have imperfections just like everybody else.

But this won't stop me from becoming a star. Duh.

Keep watching,

B.

P.S. Special thanks to Poon for her genius contributions to this post. Shawty, you're the greatest Poon I know.

It's B.

After much deliberation and self conflict, I have decided to devote this blog to my becoming a celebrity.

Yes, I realize this is quite...the deep issue, and I intend to cover my efforts completely and throughly. 

Currently, my quest for fame is being interrupted with school. I go to the University of Michigan, majoring in Communications and Theatre and minoring in Music. I felt it important to have something to fall back on in case the performing industry doesn't work out. However, it will in fact happen for me. I decided. So there.

Even with school, I am continuing to immerse myself in music, theatre, and dance in most ways possible. I'm part of 58 Greene, U of M's premier coed a cappella group. I also take private voice lessons and frequent clubs and parties in order to get my dance on. Also, I got a job in telemarketing today. Clearly this will help me crack into the business. 

Anyways, this blog will chronicle my path to stardom. Good luck me. 

B.

"Take my picture, Hollywood. I WANT TO BE A STAR."

It's coming...

Get ready...

BKUZ is coming.